There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i will never coherently bang her
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Randomize
