hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
