At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
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