Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
