Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
sex in a hospital.. check
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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