My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I am naked and annoyed.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
