I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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