Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
