I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
