Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
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He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
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I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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