Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
