like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
