i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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