I CAN MOONWALK!
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
