Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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