There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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