What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
