As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
