shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
