I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
