Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
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I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
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We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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