From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
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To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
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And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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