Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
