Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Randomize
