got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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