how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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