i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
