I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
why do cheetos always look like penises
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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