my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
