You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
where does the pee come out of this thing
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
