I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
