Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
