I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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