i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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