I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
