party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
