i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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