Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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