The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
