Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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