I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
