we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
