one might say we're banned from that church
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
