You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
