wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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