This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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