HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
