That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Randomize
