i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
