lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
