Got a toothbrush?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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