We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
