my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
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