woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
