so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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