my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
