I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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