dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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