I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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