dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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