sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
