I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
