I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
