idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
