I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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