what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
