from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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