i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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