we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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